I'm writing letters
that I'll never deliver
Saying that I'm sorry
And I'm doing better
I never say I hope you're doing the same
blame it on my reluctant selfish brain
I'm growing tired but I stay awake
I rise early though I'm up so late
but I'm too busy writing novels
No one will ever read
I've made my bed
so I can no longer dream
Am I growing apathetic or maybe I'm pathetic
If you're looking for a reaction
you'll never get it
because I'd rather stay inside avoiding the world
though it is an oyster and I'm hardly a pearl
I thought I'd die some years ago
what a surprise that plan it never came through
fallen to the waysides too many times
looking for a way to make everything right
I'm no saint and I'll never act like one
I'm not afraid of the future that's yet to come
I keep a blank straight face without an expression
so stop looking at me waiting for a reaction
I'll say it first so you'll never have to
everything is fucked between me and you
branched from past selves with substance abuse
just anything at all to make it through
a night without warmth laying next to me
I know we're disconnected and out of reach
still we hold on to what we thought we knew
everything is fucked between me and you
so I said it first so you'll never have to
everything's still fucked between me and you
I'm done with all of that substance abuse
and I found different things to help me make it through
though I still don't have you lying next to me
and we're still disconnected and out of reach
and I'm not holding on to what I thought we knew
still everything is fucked between me and you
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